tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
