Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
