i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
