it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
