I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
