I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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