Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
