the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
