Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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