the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
