I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
