Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I fill condoms, not promises.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
