i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
