I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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