Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
