i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
