If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
