I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
