i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
