As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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