He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
