I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
