Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Randomize
