dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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