Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
i think i just lost a toe
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