smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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