We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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