You just made me feel so damn special
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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