Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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