I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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