Fine. I'll sleep in my office
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize