just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
