that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize