She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Bring me that man meat
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
