you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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