you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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