I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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