This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize