Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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