woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
