So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
