Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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