my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
