I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
