duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
