I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
