When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
