I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize