So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
