My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
