shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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