i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
