I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
