At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
