So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Life is so much better after having sex.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
