dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
