I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
