That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
