My friends, they love my intelligence
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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