Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
