if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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