Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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