you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
