Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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