The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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