i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize