Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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