singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So here I am, sexting at work.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
