ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
