First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
