Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
