Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
