Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
