its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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