Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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