I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize