Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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