they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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