Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm jealous of your bromance
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
