Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
