They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
