feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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