How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
