I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
