my soul wont recognize me after tonight
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
