I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
