So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
