Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
