Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
So squirting runs in the family.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
