Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize