i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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