Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize