I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
