he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
