quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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