If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
