Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
