Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
