yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
