yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
