this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
ok first of all what the fuck
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
