Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
