If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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