ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
